Teenage Emily

This is an excerpt from a journal I wrote when I was 15. (punctuation, capitalization, grammer, etc are all original)

100 Favorite Things

1. Hugs from Abby
2. Playing in a pool
3. Popcorn popping
4. Laying in deer-beds
5. People that accept me for me
6. Doing my Bible studies
7. Picking berries with kids
8. Playing with Katie and Sarah
9. Making cookies and frosting them
10. The smell of daddy's shop
11. The smell of a field dressed deer
12. Being taught by daddy and understanding what he says
13. Watching movies with Eric
14. Finding something cool in the ocean
15. Going snorkeling
16. Watching a fire
17. Listening to Charlotte Church
18. Taking a VERY hot Bubble Bath
19. Finding a new way to do your makeup
20. Having someone Play with my hair
21. A cat sitting on you, purring
22. Taking your hair down after it's been up ALL DAY!
23. Hearing a good sermon
24. Rolling on the floor laughing and crying so hard you pee your pants [Ew. What was I thinking??]
25. Pulling a good trick!
26. Having someone put on a concert just for you [Uh, no one ever did this for me until I met Gary.]
27. Earrings
28. Perfectly applying nail Polish
29. Hearing someone laugh
30. A Freshly made bed
31. Looking back and seeing what you've accomplished [I really really love this.]
32. A bear hug
33. Seeing a couple so deeply in love that they GLOW
34. A really good conversation
35. The warm, fuzzy, feeling you get when you know someone really cares about YOU
36. Midnite snacks with your best friend [Didn't really have a best friend at this point in my life...]
37. When you look perfect AND have somewhere to go!
38. A perfect day at the beach with friends
39. Finishing a really good book
40. Finding the perfect outfit in the perfect size for the perfect price!
41. Remembering the perfect phrase at the perfect time
42. Getting something you worked for
43. Getting something you don't deserve [okay, I just liked getting stuff]
44. Finding an instant friend [Kristin, darling, I believe this was you!]
45. Getting a new CD
46. Toe-socks
47. Fresh notebooks
48. Some-one flirting with you first [insert blushy face.]
49. A friend who will listena dn listen and listena nd listen to every last Detail!!
50. Hills that 'get your tummy'
51. Getting a long etter via snail mail (hand-written)
52. Being trusted with a secret [Actually, I hate this. Keep your drama to yourself, please.]
53. Hearing someone type really fast [Like I'm doing right now. Totally fulfilling myself. Lol]
54. Winning a game of chess
55. Finishing a hard job [College! Holla!]
56. Going hunting
57. Getting something in the mail (A Gift) [lol, toldja I just like getting stuff!]
58. The sound of leaves crunch under your feet [wow, that sentence is not right...]
59. Freshly fallen snow
60. A green meadow [Obviously. No one likes brown meadows. Duh.]
61. RollerCoasters
62. Cool Posters
63. Spelling a hard word correctly!
64. Un-planned Partys that are Perfect
65. Finding something you lost
66. The smell of a new car [cliche much?]
67. Reading poems
68. Sun Tea
69. Sunsets
70. Comfy clothes
71. Coffee Brewing
72. Watching a Good Movie with your Girlfriends
73. Listening to my music
74. Hearing mom read
75. Talking to Miss Lisa
76. Learning something new
77. Being able to go to God at night and cry
78. Reading a really good poem that tugs at your heart strings [omg, the cliche is KILLING ME. Literally. Okay, figuratively.]
79. Tom's messages
80. Watching football
81. Superbowl commercials
82. Writing a poem that is actually good [Apparently I was on a poetry kick?]
83. Getting a massage
84. Drawing all over my body [Well that sounds... provocative. It was around this time that we learned that highlighters glow under blacklight, so we did a lot of decorating.]
85. Recieving forgiveness especially when it's a big mistake
86. Hanging out w/ AF staff guys [more blushy face...]
87. Good Perfume/ ColoGne [Why did I capitalize that G???]
88. A freshly made bed and lots of pilows
89. A clean house and a messy bedroom [that makes it a not clean house. Am I right?]
90. Reading the comics
91. Making something cool
92. Cooking dinner for your family
93. Getting an A on that tough assignment [I had just started taking classes at Polk Community and was freakin' THRILLED to be getting grades! lol]
94. Using big words + shocking people
95. Loving your Job [Thanks, Billy!]
96. Moose tracks Ice Cream
97. A spur-of-the-moment snowball fight [Never been in one. I hate snow. It sounded romantic. I was delusional.]
98. Recieving praise
99. A good conversation online [As opposed to a good conversation in real life, which didn't even make my list.]
100. Completing a whole notebook [ This list was written on pages 1-5 of a brand new notebook.]

This entry was followed by a painfully embarrassing attempt at poetry. 

Maybe someday I'll write a revised version.

Struggling with Weight

Like virtually every other woman in a Western Nation, I'm not thrilled with my weight and appearance. I was discussing this with my sweet baby sister (Hi, Sophie....) and she commented "You know what we should do? A competition!" Um. Duh. She went on the say something along the lines of "Accountability doesn't work cause it's like 'Oh, I ate a dozen cookies today...' 'Great! I'm gonna go finish off my carton of ice cream!' " Um. Yeah.

Have you ever had an accountability relationship like that? I've had about 1000 of them! We screw up and "confess our sin" to our partner who SHOULD reprimand us and encourage us to do better and instead our partners response is more like "Oh, thank God, I'm gonna go eat butter and sugar by the spoonful." And believe me, I'm not being down on "everyone else", I've been that partner PLENTY of times! Accountability, for the most part, doesn't work. If you don't have self control, then others controlling you won't work either.

You know what works? A good, old fashion, healthy competition. As soon as she started talking about it, I started scheming how I  was going to be the winner! This is not a "Oh, everyone wins because we're all losing weight smiley face/rainbow/hearts/unicorn/fuzzywarmthoughts" competition, I'm talking a competition with a prize. Clothing.

C'mon, clothing is your best excuse for not losing weight. "Well, gosh, if I lost 50 pounds, I'd have to go buy all new clothes and I don't have the money for that, so I guess I'll have to wait..." Hehe. No. In this competition, every loser buys the winner an article of clothing in their new size.


Here are the rules!

1. Competition runs from June 1st -December 31st (YES, even through the Holidays!)
2. Each participant must join the FB group I made (Except Sophie, she deleted her FB) and PM me their starting weight. Feel free to post "before" pictures too!
1. The group is "secret" so you can't find it. No one can see that you join, or see anything that is posted in the group. Just ask me to add you!
3. Each participant must agree to send a piece of clothing for the winner. I'm not gonna hunt you down and force you, this is honor based. Item can be from the mall, thrift shop, whatever! Just make sure it's in great condition, no holes, stains, whatever.
1. If you don't want to pass out your address, I can receive all the clothing and mail/deliver it to you!

I hope you join the fun! 

What I've learned from my Jo Momma

I have never been a mushy person. I remember at a young age totally refusing to call my mom "Mommy" because it seemed so wussy and prissy and basically the word just made me gag. My mom has almost always been "Mom" to me, or "Momma" when I'm feeling sweet. Mostly though, she's "Jo Momma". Yeah, from that trend about 10 years ago. I never let it die. My mom just had a birthday a week ago, her anniversary was 6 days ago, and obviously today is Mother's Day! So, naturally, a blog to celebrate my mom.

If you know my mom at all, you know she loves to teach. She homeschooled my sisters and me for our entire lives  (okay, not college..), so I think the best way to honor her is to highlight what she has taught me. (No particular order!)

Things I Learned From My Mom

1. "May the Lord bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you." 
   
2.  The power of Prayer.
3. How to bake bread.
4. The benefit of "dump and pour" cooking.
5. The enjoyment of a job well done.
6. Your room isn't clean until it's clean under the bed and in the closet.
7. How to encourage creativity and imagination in kids!
8. The impact of reading aloud to your children.
9. A clean house isn't the most important thing in the world, learning and doing and LIVING in your house is much more vital.
10. Everyone should have a giant bookshelf that spans a whole wall of their house.
11. If you put your mind to it, you can probably learn how to do it.
12. After 100 times, "I forgot" is not an acceptable reason.
13. Spanking a disobedient child is biblical.
14. "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."
15. How to plant and care for a garden.
16. How to can food!
17. You can't can cabbage. (lol)
18. There is nothing sweeter than newborn baby smell.
19. You're never too young to learn.
20. A well loved, often read Bible is something to cherish.
21. There is usually no reason to get bent out of shape.
22. Blank pieces of paper are full of magic and potential.
23. Camping is awesome!
24. Eventually, you have to make your own decisions, regardless of others opinions.
25. There is nothing a dear book and a sunny reading nook can't cure.
26. Every woman should love hot tea.
27. Every mom should know how to host a tea party!
28. The TV is not a vital part of childhood.
29. It's okay to pop popcorn and watch TV after your kids go to bed. (Even though it tortures your poor children who lie down at the top of the stairs to listen to whatever show you're watching and sigh longingly over the smell of butter and salt)
30. Don't rule out the supernatural.
31. Fields are beautiful.
32. Every homeschooler needs a denim skirt.
33. Support your husband.
34. Pray for your husband too!
35. You can't keep every stray cat that wanders on the farm.
36.  Follow your interests.
37. Thrift shops are cool. (No, this was not thanks to Macklemore)
38. Strong coffee is good coffee.
39. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is put an animal out of its misery.
40. Don't try to fit in the smallest place possible.
41. It's OKAY to wash dishes by hand!
42. Don't blindly accept everything people tell you.
43. "Emily, you are a diligent and radiant spirit."

Okay, baby is crying. That's the end of the post.

Mom, thanks for being diligent and teaching me so much.

Freedom?

Last Friday my husband and I graduated college, each with a bachelors degree. This semester, in order to graduate, I completed 18 credit hours. My entire world has been breastfeeding and school work since February. I can't even begin to tell you the stress that it put on Gary's and my relationship. 

My husband is so laid back and it's something I love about him (most of the time!). This means that he has a little less enthusiasm or need for things like arriving early, preparing for due dates, following check lists, and having a schedule. These are all things that I LOVE.

In Emily world, if you don't have a check list, you're probably not doing what you need to be doing. During school this meant a lot of me saying "Gary, do you need to be doing your school?" Or "Do you really have time for that?" I essentially took on a mothering role and felt like I had to nag him into doing his homework for the past 3 years. And guess what?

I hated it. I hated reminding him. I hated that "he" put that responsibility on me. (I really put it on myself, he never asked me to do it!) Eventually I got to a point where I hated myself because school consumed me. I became critical and disbelieving and found myself stalking Gary's Facebook and Twitter to see if he was doing school or "slacking". I would even wake up in the mornings (he always worked at midnight when I was asleep) and check his papers on the computer to see if he made any progress. If I slacked a bit, I transferred my slackery to him and nagged harder. 

I really hated myself. 

This was the opposite of my soul. My soul is trusting. Ask anyone I worked with in my pre-college years, I'm pretty sure the #1 word used to describe me would be "naive". I believe everything. I trust people, even creepy scary people who will probably kill me, I just instinctively trust that they will do the right thing. I hated not trusting my husband. 

12 days ago I finished my last school assignment for my undergraduate degree and changed completely. I felt so free and silly and FREE! Totally free!! That kind of foolish "if it's not done, it's not getting done!" attitude that just let's you LET GO and be free. I laughed like I haven't laughed in years. (Honestly, that is not one of those exaggerations which I am famous for) I did silly things and made silly faces and silly voices and just changed immediately!

Silliness with Anastasia!

Folks, it is such a weird feeling. I have been in school for 5 years, and I've had a job since I was 15. I am now able to do what I love to do which is be a wife and mother. I am free to clean my house without feeling guilty for neglecting school work. I am free to stay up late waiting for my husband to come home from work, knowing that I can take a nap the next day because there are no more papers due. I am free to have a social life again! My heart is so light.  

I am excited to find out how free changes us. 

Love Endures All Things

I began today by writing a status update for my Facebook. As I typed, I realized that I had so much more to say than could be contained in a status update.

29 years ago today, my parents were preparing for their wedding. They had both waited for a spouse for a long time and were introduced in the strangest way. Their whirlwind romance had led them to this moment, a mere 3 months after meeting. On opposite sides of a church, they prepared to become one, to blend two very different lives into a single united being, dedicated to making two very different personalities mesh. I've seen the pictures of their wedding; it was humble but happy. The joy on their faces is evident, they both glow in a way I had never seen until recently.

Like all relationships, my parents have had hard times. Unlike most relationships, my parents were very open about it. As a teenager, I remember hiding with my sisters and having secret meetings coming up with ways we would support ourselves if mom and dad got a divorce, because how could we choose one parent over another? Instead, we would move out on our own.

There were plenty of years when I swore I would never have a relationship like theirs. The reality that every relationship has hard times was very, very real to me. At times it was overwhelming and I couldn't remember a time when they had been happy together. I wondered if they were doomed to be miserable for the rest of their lives. It was heartbreaking for my sisters and me because we would see mom try to fix things and dad would refuse. And just about the time mom would win dad over, mom would stop trying. So dad would try, he would work really hard to repair their relationship, and just about the time he would win mom over, he would get frustrated and give up trying. That cycle repeated many times.

About 2 years ago, the cycle stopped.They were both on the same page at the same time and they began to talk. And they worked on their problems. And they began to spend more time together, and to remember what they had enjoyed about one another. They focused on the things they appreciated in each other instead of the things that bugged them. And, honestly, I think they got to the point where those annoying things became endearing to one another. 

Today, I have never seen my parents more in love. Even though the hard times were scary and painful, I am so grateful that my parents were open about it with my siblings and me. We all learn by example and my parents have set a great one. Momma, Daddy, Happy 29^th Anniversary. You have woven your lives into a beautiful tapestry. I hope that in 26 years, Gary and I will be just as blissful as you two are now.

Picture by Katherine Pafford