Freedom?

Last Friday my husband and I graduated college, each with a bachelors degree. This semester, in order to graduate, I completed 18 credit hours. My entire world has been breastfeeding and school work since February. I can't even begin to tell you the stress that it put on Gary's and my relationship. 

My husband is so laid back and it's something I love about him (most of the time!). This means that he has a little less enthusiasm or need for things like arriving early, preparing for due dates, following check lists, and having a schedule. These are all things that I LOVE.

In Emily world, if you don't have a check list, you're probably not doing what you need to be doing. During school this meant a lot of me saying "Gary, do you need to be doing your school?" Or "Do you really have time for that?" I essentially took on a mothering role and felt like I had to nag him into doing his homework for the past 3 years. And guess what?

I hated it. I hated reminding him. I hated that "he" put that responsibility on me. (I really put it on myself, he never asked me to do it!) Eventually I got to a point where I hated myself because school consumed me. I became critical and disbelieving and found myself stalking Gary's Facebook and Twitter to see if he was doing school or "slacking". I would even wake up in the mornings (he always worked at midnight when I was asleep) and check his papers on the computer to see if he made any progress. If I slacked a bit, I transferred my slackery to him and nagged harder. 

I really hated myself. 

This was the opposite of my soul. My soul is trusting. Ask anyone I worked with in my pre-college years, I'm pretty sure the #1 word used to describe me would be "naive". I believe everything. I trust people, even creepy scary people who will probably kill me, I just instinctively trust that they will do the right thing. I hated not trusting my husband. 

12 days ago I finished my last school assignment for my undergraduate degree and changed completely. I felt so free and silly and FREE! Totally free!! That kind of foolish "if it's not done, it's not getting done!" attitude that just let's you LET GO and be free. I laughed like I haven't laughed in years. (Honestly, that is not one of those exaggerations which I am famous for) I did silly things and made silly faces and silly voices and just changed immediately!

Silliness with Anastasia!

Folks, it is such a weird feeling. I have been in school for 5 years, and I've had a job since I was 15. I am now able to do what I love to do which is be a wife and mother. I am free to clean my house without feeling guilty for neglecting school work. I am free to stay up late waiting for my husband to come home from work, knowing that I can take a nap the next day because there are no more papers due. I am free to have a social life again! My heart is so light.  

I am excited to find out how free changes us.